It was always going to happen, but that doesn’t mean I was ready. Who could be? Who ever is?
We said goodbye to Friday on the 16th of December, 2024. She was my girl for 12.5 years, and I’m wondering whether grief has something like a half life? (maybe wishing rather than wondering because I’m pretty sure I know the answer and I don’t like it one bit) She was smart and beautiful and stubborn. She guarded my chair, always barked at cops, detested French being spoken in her presence, and was forever the office favourite. She loved apples and carrots and us.
Friday moved with us from Canberra to Wellington and put up with us while we moved 5 times in 8 years, finally settling in our modified home with our modified lives. Part of the grief for me is the entanglement of my memories of Friday and my memories of being a non-disabled person. We ran together through the parklands, swam together in the sea, and learned how to train a dog together. She taught me so much about when to be patient and when to stop waiting. She taught me that when things change, we adapt and roll on.
In the end, it wasn’t the running or the cat that got her, it was cancer. She had slowed down at work, and I’d eased her into retirement. She was resting more and seeking sunny spots in the house and the porch. Her walks were shorter and slower.
It is possible to be sad and happy at the same time. There is a Friday shaped hole in my heart and in my life, and there is a new Billy shaped addition.
We didn’t plan it this way, but we got a puppy on 12 December. Rather than trying to turn another dog into a Golden Retriever, we went straight to the source. He’s a clown, he’s growing like a weed, and his little teeth could not be sharper.
He was with us for about three weeks before we took him to live with a puppy raiser/trainer, Kerry. She’s amazing and she loves him (of course. Seriously, look at him). They aren’t far away, so we still get to seem him and spend time with him to keep the bonds strong. I’ll be part of his training plan too, so more learning and training for me. He will come back to live with us full time when he’s about 6 months old.
Banzai asserted himself as the owner of all beds, all humans and all boxes (and all floor space come to that) while Mojo took to his bed with the vapours. Well, we can’t say it isn’t interesting.
We will carry Friday in our hearts forever, but it is nice to have Billy helping to lift our spirits. Nothing like puppy teeth to focus a person on the here and now.